Straight from the Heart...

  • Standing on the edge of everything and your heart feels as if it's been torn out of your chest...a gaping hole within your torso, spilling so much blood that you fall to the ground, shake, tremble and fear the end of it all.
    Fear the end of everything.
    You're not singing anymore, now, are you?
    Now...you don't know what to do
    As you lay there helpless, hand outstretched before you towards the setting sun, you can feel it's warmth pass over you, and through you, and pass you...and leave you there.
    No more will you feel those things with which you based your entire life upon.
    Your life drains out before you in a seemingly endless pool of red, and you just **don't know what to do**....Life flashes before your eyes....and not just your life, but everyone's, everything's life...everything as a whole...you see it all, you know it all....**you feel it all**. And you don't want to let it go...you don't want to let go. You want to continue on, continue to feel, to share, to help, to spread something wonderful, but now **they** call to you...something more powerful than you...than anything you know. You want to refuse it, you want to live, to **keep on trucking**...this pull is nothing you've felt...The tips of you're fingers are numb and cold, you're fading away. Fading into something much more deeper, you fade away into memory. All memory. **THE** memory.
    **"Now look at you, laying on the ground like a lazy dog"**
    A voice in the distance, but it's not yours, but it is yours....it's everyone's, everything's...it's inside your head, echoing within your mind....mocking you. But you feel no anger, no hate...just numb. This numbness crawls up your arms, and you start to tingle all the way up them...fingers twitch absently as you stare off into something grand yet horrid, beautiful yet ugly...all of everything is everything all at once, and you....and you.....think of someone. Barely know this person, but you know every inch of them, every secret, every word....every second of their life....you are that person, yet you are not....you are you, yet you are someone else...you are everything and everyone....Everything...everyone...every single memory of it all.
    Tears that were never wiped away....
    Sadness that was never helped...
    Hate that was never loved....
    Cries of pain that were never heard...
    A heart...that is no more.
    A shaking form that was never hugged...
    Alone.
    ...is what you feel like, now. As this numbing starts to make it's way up to your shoulders, you feel your muscles ache yet you are not moving...though it feels like you are...The star lit sky almost seems to smile mockingly down upon your limp form, the sparkling of the stars shining in your half-mast eyes...your bottom lip quivers as you let tears slide down your cheeks..but you can't feel them, for that numbing sensation has now moved up to you're head, and down your spine...Your chest halts sharply with each labored breath you struggle to make yourself take, your lungs feel like ice....like a million shards have punctured your lungs all at once...so cold....your legs start to tingle as the numbness continues to venture throughout your body. You can't do anything...short of stare up at the mocking sky with tear glazed eyes...
    So...many....emotions....all....at.....once.....
    So....many....things....to.....take.....in......
    **"Are you still laying on the ground? Get up, already,"**
    That voice again....mocking you, trying to rouse some sort of acknowledgement from you...make you do something....you ignore it. You don't want to....you can't do anything....the hole in your chest....it still spills your life force...your essence...your everything onto Mother Earth...so she can take you in her embrace once more, into the Earth...into yourself. The numbness still crawls over your body, and your toes feel cold....as cold as death....as cold as blackness pierced with the coldest ice....nothing...nothing you do or say or think or want or need....
    Useless.
    Pointless.
    Helpless.
    Unable to comply.
    This is emptiness?
    This is death?
    Is this it?
    This is...something.
    This is...something.
    Something that has no name, for no amount of words could ever truly describe what you now feel...what you now have, what you now know...You have everything, yet you have nothing...You want nothing...but need something...
    And then....................
    There is nothing anymore. 
    No pain.
    It all disappears.
    You look down....and you're still standing on the edge of everything.......But now....you have hope.
    You have something worth it all.
    Something worth it all....
    Hope.
    Such a small word for such a big thing....
    Hope.
    If you have that...then everything really is possible....no matter how difficult things may seem at the time........


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